That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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