hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
