I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
