I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
