That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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