break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
