just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
