Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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