It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
