i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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