how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
