D3 body, D1 cock
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
