my phone needs a breathalizer
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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