he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
