the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
