LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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