I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
