Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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