How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
