Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
