I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
