Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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