wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
