take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He did a backflip because drugs
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