The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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