rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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