well I can't set my house on fire every night
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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