so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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