I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
