You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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