ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
