I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
