hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
