I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
