tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
