I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
