Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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