You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I FOUND THE LEGS
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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