Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
