woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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