Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
