She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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