Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
