Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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