I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
