AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We are all done wearing pants today
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
