i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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