There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
