At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
