Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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