Got a toothbrush?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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