my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
why is half of my head shaved?
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