Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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