Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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