We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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