Apparently you make a good broom.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
