I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
