we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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