there's paper in my vomit.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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