We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The feeling are messing with the penis
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
