I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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