the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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