I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
