You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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