Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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