found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
