a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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