great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
