Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
