Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
