...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
