my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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